The grass isn't always greener.

            Oh the wisdom of this 4 year old.  Gabriel spent 10 minutes describing how to use his lifesaving EpiPen to his Aunt (Chelsea) just the other day.  He described when to use it, how to remove the lid, and how long to hold it after the medicines been injected.  We giggled at how much he knew, and how silly his descriptions were, but secretly, he made me very proud.
  Sometimes Im not positive that a preschooler has the capacity to understand how serious, and severe such important health issues can be.  What crosses his mind when I tell him something is 'dangerous'?  How literally does he take me when I say that he can't be anywhere near a peanut butter sandwich?  The older our precious little ones grow, the more time they spend away from us.  As much as I value and encourage his independence, I secretly hope he will stay within reach for a few more years.  This morning wasn't terribly smooth.  Gabriel woke up coughing a wheezing.  Before he was even exposed to food, the smell of the grass, or the pollen dust breeze, his exhale sounded as crackly as an untuned AM radio station.  I turned on the nebulizer and gave him both a dose of his daily preventative, and his rescue medicines.  On the way to school he coughed...and by the time we were ten minutes from home his breathing was as labored as it had been early this morning.  I pulled over, listened to him closely, and set up his portable breathing treatment.  These aren't always days that we can call is sick, and snuggle safely on the couch together.  I am lucky that Gabriel's teachers have experience with asthma, and I am lucky to work close enough to check on him on my lunch break, because learning how to function day to day, means learning how to go to school as often as he can.  I worry- and check my voicemail more often than I need to.  I call in to check on him, and I make sure he's picked up early.  Today, none of those things made me feel any bit more secure.  I didn't have faith in medicine, and I didn't 100% trust his preschool staff.  Today, when I kissed Gabriel goodbye I felt safe because of this story his teacher told me.

Ms Bev said...
"Gabriel sat quietly on the bench yesterday, while the other kids ran and played.  I asked Gabriel why he wasn't playing.  His answer?  'I cant play Ms Bev, Im allergic to grass.'  I asked him where he could play, and he said the bark on the other playground.  I lined up the kids, to walk them to the playground on the other side of the school. Gabriel stopped when we were half way there.  I asked why and he answered 'I cant walk on the grass Ms Bev, Im allergic' "

Just the other day the allergist let us know that Gabriel's biggest outdoor trigger was grass.  So, as I always do, I explained another allergy to my intellectual little boy.  When his teacher told me how 'aware' Gabriel was of the grass, I laughed a little.  Sure he may be sensitive to grasses, but I never expected him to avoid it completely, I had simply hoped that he didn't roll in it.  I called my sister, Christy is the one person in the world who can safely shop for Gabriel in the grocery store, I trust her completely, and she has a clear understanding of all of his allergies.  As his Auntie laughed at my story, she told me that he often tells her "Auntie I cant eat that."  If ever she gives him something that he doesn't eat regularly- he refuses to touch it.  I was in awe.  Gabriel never questions anything I give him, but why would he, I'm Mommy.  I had no idea how aware he was when Mommy wasn't around.  When I walked away from his school- and drove towards work for the day, I felt a new security that I haven't felt before.  I was proud that my son understood his triggers and finally trusted that he could make the right decisions.  The last thing I hope for is a paranoid, over cautious allergic bubble boy- but since there are more foods on his no list than his safe list- and since his list of prescriptions, and doctors can top that of a geriatric patient, his awareness makes me very proud.  I would imagine this is the feeling of watching your baby go to college- Proud in ways you cant describe.  Proud of yourself for job well done, and proud of your child for working so hard.  Nervous and fearful of the life altering challenges that lie ahead, but confident that you've done everything in your power to prepare them for the real world.
Thats the kind of proud I was of my 4 year old today.